The effect the Corona Virus has had on me.

Honestly, When I think about this virus I get rather calm in the face of it. When you live in the United States you have one of two options at the moment. You stay home or you work and try to make do with the lack of money you have to do. Yet for me, writing has become a little difficult.

The Corona Virus is a little bit of a joke to me and yet I understand the seriousness of the situation. Yet, every time I think about this I can’t help but go. Well, If we had better healthcare and better funding this whole thing would have been dealt with better. If we want to get political we can talk about the way things have been handled but I prefer to avoid that little sinkhole of debate. It doesn’t change how people think and I find it better to just ignore it.

This is more of an open piece where I put down what I think about this entire situation and you can chat me up. We’re all at home down and depressed, or not if we’re introverted. Does it really matter if you’re at home more often or not?

For me, I created a habit where I would take my days off and not write anything. Rather I refused to because I work another job full time and I wanted to chill. Can I just say that it turned out to be my downfall?

I’ve created tons of habits all by meditating but I also as mentioned above don’t do shit on my days off. I sleep, game and chill. So what happens when a virus goes ahead and tells you to stay home? If you’re like me you chill, sleep and game. You break every single habit you’re working on building and desperately scrape by forgetting everything you’ve done. Partially my inspiration for writing this piece

I don’t know exactly how medium works and I don’t know how to create headings but I’m doing all I can to restart new habits. I guess that’s what the virus really fucked up for me. MY habits.

Everyone has the same thing they do all the time. It’s like routine. Everyone tells you that the way to success is doing something over and over until it becomes normal. Has anyone ever acknowledged how absolutely difficult that is?

Everyone doesn’t realize it but if you give yourself just a simple little break you can severely mess up everything you were working on just a couple weeks before. Rather annoying if we are being honest.

I suppose the main thing this virus has done would be making everyone more paranoid then they have to be. Surely, everyone may not be happy with the current predicament and might want to be outside enjoying whatever sunlight awaits them but what is someone to do if they’d rather be inside.

I guess in reality this virus has just made everyone appear as insane as they really are. Buying toilet paper because you’re afraid has got to be the epitome of it right?

This virus isn’t as impactful to me because I’m not old and I’m fairly healthy. I get quarterly blood work done because I’m transitioning. I know exactly how healthy I am more often then I would rather know. This virus can make me sick as hell but in the end, I’ll still be alive more than the older people.

This doesn’t mean that all of a sudden I care less about the older people who will be affected. It just means that to me the seriousness of this is a bit lost. I’m not worried about dying as others are. I definitely am not afraid of staying inside and playing some video games. This virus is mostly a huge inconvenience. It fucks up my habits and it destroys everything I wanna do.

Although can I really say it’s because of this virus and not because I’m terrible at keeping something going on if a piece of my sanity is missing?

Writing during a pandemic is like expressing your annoyance at everyone but they don’t really know it's directed towards them. People look at how healthy the earth is getting and point out that this is a good thing. Others take to social media to exude the negativity they have stored up for this moment.

The world isn’t in its final stages just become some virus has decided to lay waste to everything we knew and is easily spreadable. God can make do but that doesn’t mean you spam your religious beliefs at us.

Everyones negative at one point in there lives and unlike me people get negative. I’m a millennial and I love joking about dying because to me I am fully ok with it in the back of the mind thing. It doesn’t mean imma spread that fear because it’s how I feel.

That’s the thing social media has given way to. An easier way to spread fear and angst. The virus is deadly to old people that much is true and staying at home is a must-do. Yet, who needs to feel fear when you have that time to do the stuff you’ve dreamt of doing.

Millennial or not I know that if I pass away I’m doing what I love. That’s what really matters to me in the end road. Not what everyone has to say on social media or to my face. It’s the words I put down in the end as I struggle to keep moving forward.

This virus hasn’t done too much to me besides forcing me to realize that my habits aren’t fully formed. That I need to try harder to do things that I love and write however I feel. That’s what you have just read. Perhaps a ramble to some and inspiration to others. For me, this post you have just finished reading was my gamble to get my brain going again. I write however I feel here and I hope you enjoyed.

If you don’t want doom and gloom I can give you something weird and funny to read. That’s the true meaning of writing to me anyways. Writing something you wanna read and enjoy.

Jess. In case you don’t know I’m a trans female who writes about whatever comes across her mind. Whether or not it's worth it to read. It comes spilling out. Thanks!